Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
