Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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