I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
