I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
