Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
