I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize