it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
