I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
