i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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