I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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