I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
