Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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