I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
