bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
