The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
