You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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