I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
