Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
