garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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