Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
