Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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