So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
