Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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