Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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