I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
