She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
