He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
