So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
