That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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