I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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