I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
