someone threw a dead crab at me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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