i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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