I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
