My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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