eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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