Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
