If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
