dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
