So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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