I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
