her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Randomize
