She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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