I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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