I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
