is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
