I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
