I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need water and some morals
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
