i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
