well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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