Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
