Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
