I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize