peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
