I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
