shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
