Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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