I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
