i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They took my balls.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
