For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
