margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize