I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Drake has all the answers
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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