Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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