Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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