I looked at my own cervix.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
