No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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