we should wear snuggies to the strip club
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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