apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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