twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
