I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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