my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
