You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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