They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize