you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
