just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
