One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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