I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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