Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
