Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
