I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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