You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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