dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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