i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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