Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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