He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
