my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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