I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
