I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
